Dog Named Sex
Everybody I know usually calls their dog Rover or
Spot. I called mine Sex. Now Sex has been very embarrassing to me.
When I went to City Hall to renew the dog's license, I
told the clerk I'd like a license for Sex. He said, "I would like to have
Then I said, "She is a dog!!"
He said he didnít care what she looked like. I said,
"You don't understand, I had Sex since I was 9 years old."
He replied, "You must have been quite a strong
When I decided to get married, I told the minister
that I would like to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after
the wedding was over. I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my life,
and my life revolves around Sex."
He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life
and would not marry us in his church. I told him everybody would like having
Sex at the wedding. The next day we were married at the Justice of Peace. My
family was barred from the church from then on.
When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the
dog with me. When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a
room for me and my wife and a special room for Sex. He said every room in the
motel is a place for sex. I said, "You don't understand! Sex keeps me
awake at night."
The clerk said, "me too!"
One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the
competition began, Sex ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just
looking around, and I told him that I was going to have Sex in the contest. He
said that I should have sold my own tickets.
"You don't understand," I said. "I
hoped to have Sex on TV!"
He called me a 'show off'!
When my wife and I split, we went to court to fight
for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was
married, but Sex left me after I was married."
The judge said, "Me too!!"
Last night, Sex ran off again, and I spent hours
looking all over for her. A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the
alley at 4 o'clock in the morning. I said "I'm looking for Sex."
My case comes up next Thursday.
Well, now I have been thrown in jail, been divorced,
and had more damn troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw. Why, just the
other day when I went for my first session with my shrink, she asked me,
"What seems to be the trouble?"
I replied, "Sex has been my best friend all of my
life, but now it has left me forever, I couldn't live any longer, so
And the doctor said, "Look mister, you should
understand sex isn't a man's best friend, so get your self a dog."