Jokes!!!!!!!!!

Q. How can you tell when a women is having a bad day?
A. She has her tampon behind her ear,and she can`t find her cigarette.

"Man who walk thru airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok"

The rodeo



A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of the first exhibits they stopped at was the breeding bulls. They went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said,

'THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR'



The wife playfully nudged her husband in the ribs and said, 'He mated 50 times last year.'

They walked to the second pen which had a sign
attached that said,
''THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR'




The wife gave her husband a healthy jab and said, 'That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him.'

They walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters,

'THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR'



The wife, so excited that her elbow nearly broke her husband's ribs, said,'That's once a day. You could REALLY learn something from this one.

The husband looked at her and said, 'Go over and ask him if it was with the same cow.'

This is a good one from another forum, "exotic rescue forum".

One day, leaning on the bar, Jack says to Mike "My elbow hurts like hell. I suppose I'd better see a Doctor!" Listen, don't waste
your time down at the surgery," Mike replies. "There's a new diagnostic computer at Tesco Pharmacy.
Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's >wrong, and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and only
costs five quid.....a lot quicker and better than a doctor and you get Club card points".

So Jack collects a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Tesco
He deposits five pounds and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and
waits. Ten >seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy
activity. It will improve in two weeks".

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled.
He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter and the cat, and
masturbated into the mixture for good measure. Jack hurried back to Tesco, eager to check what would happen. He deposits five
pounds, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.
The computer printed the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2. Your cat's having kittens. Get a vet
3. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
4. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
5. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
6. And if you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow wiill never get better

Thank you for shopping at Tesco

Huh?

a polar bear sees a large block of ice...
and says
I see! // icy!!

thats my own, i made it up. its awesome. it works better saying it out loud!

were you drunk when you came up with that lol